The End is Near

I was trying to think about what I should write and for the first time, I got a little worried about this blog thing. What the hell do people want to hear about if I don't have a sweet Father's Day story or a juicy dig on an unnamed local business? And then it hit me. My weight. People love that shit!! This may be a slightly different angle, though. I tend to post when I have a signifigant weight loss number to report but not so much if I am slipping up.....AND I AM SLIPPING UP!!

When I left for the festival I was at the 47 pound mark in my weight loss journey. After four days of partying, walking, dancing, laughing and laughing some more, I came home at the 52 pound mark. Wasn't that a fun post??!! I love how those blow up!!

I would like to add in here that I hurt my shoulder during roller derby practice on May 14th and have been unable to do yoga or my yoga booty weight routine for the past....wow, five weeks??!! I didn't even realize that until I just counted it out on the calendar right now. The yoga really helps me mentally. I feel happier and more relaxed....and the weights just make me stronger. I am really missing it but every time I try to pull out a downward dog or a pushup, it just hurts too much. So I feel like I have lost something of my edge, mentally.

Obviously I don't appear to be any bigger and obviously I have enough strength to lift big ass bunny cages so I haven't lost much progress physically. I have been jogging, sometimes alot....sometimes not for four days!! Like right now. I haven't jogged for four days. I would be remiss to leave out that I haven't been having my salad for dinner. I have eaten alot of  Tooky Mills and Chuck and Clucks from the Sausage Source because it all tastes so fucking good. Just keepin' it real, here ;)

So the story goes: with leisurely jogging and walking most days plus consuming lots of the wrong calories, I am now back down to 47 pounds total weight loss. Not only have I NOT lost more, I have gained back five pounds. So i weigh the same right now that I weighed a month ago. Lame.

Some of you are probably thinking, "You look great! Don't be so hard on yourself! Live a little! Thats not a big weight gain." I ask you to please stop. I rationalize enough on my own. I can be fairly impressionable. Especially when you are telling my addiction what it wants to hear.

The fact of the matter is that I started this health endeavor knowing that I had at least 75 pounds to lose and I have only lost 47 of those offending pounds. I can't stall out now, after doing almost 2/3 of the work. Time to stop spending money I don't have on take out food....even if it IS my Thursday night with Kathy and I just got paid. Time to strap on my running shoes....even though I lost my ambition after spending twenty minutes looking for clean sweat pants and got frustrated at the unfairness of it all. ;)

In summary, I didn't make lame excuses to eat wrong and exercise less to lose the first fifty pounds. I am sure as hell not going to start now for the last, measly twenty five pounds. The end is near.I need to make one last push for the next 6-8 weeks and then I can maintain. Its called will power. I'm going to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Peace <3

Just an inspirational photo of me....3 weeks and five pounds ago ;)

Love y'all <3

Coffee Shop Dilemna!

For the better part of the past five years I have been going to the same coffee shop in my little town. I go for the iced mocha cappuccino and one sweet little employee who makes it soooo nice. We'll call her Zephila. Seriously, I take a my first sip and its like oxygen....chocolate coffee oxygen. Love that little barista.

The drink costs $3.27, which is a baseline of $23 per week, $97.67 per month, $1,196 per year. Here we come to the point....I pay that much for the drink because it tastes good. I also run a tab so I never think about how much money I am spending unless its once every couple of weeks. I guess I pay for the atmosphere as well. The building is an old New England style building, the music is playing, the girls are smiling....its a feel good time.

Until you get your iced mocha cappuccino with a layer of chocolate on the bottom, a sheer layer of white milk, and then coffee on top. At thins point, in order to get any semblance of the drink you were dreaming of you have to shake the drink in your car. Which ruins the whipped cream on top and the whole experience in general. Not to mention fielding all the little drips that ensue, along with the feelings of frustration and the thought, "I am spending too much money on this little drink for all this hassle!!"

The problem with getting the drink made right is that there are always new people, and then there are not so new people that don't know they are doing it wrong....and then there is me, not wanting to say anything because they are all so sweet and I don't want to inconvenience them by asking them to make it again. This is the part where you all say, "So what? You are paying a pretty penny for that drink. It should be right!"

So I said something, nicely, to Zephila, and requested that she teach the other girls how she does it, so I can have my lovely drink from whomever happens to be there when I come in. She was happy to do that and she was also in a position of authority, (probably cuz she does it right!), so I wasn't putting her into a position where she was telling her co-workers what to do where she wouldn't be otherwise.

So a couple of the girls got it down and my good drink percentage went up....but I kept getting nasty drinks from a couple of the girls. Last week, on Sunday, I ordered my drink and my heart sank when I saw one girl in particular decide to take on the task....we'll call her Eve. So I catch Zephila and I say, right in front of Eve, "Zephila, can you please show Eve how you make my drink because everytime she makes it, the drink is in three separate layers." Zephila was more than happy to do so, (thats why we like her), but I felt bad because it was obvious from the body language and the pursed lips that Eve didn't like being told what to do. Which is probably why she doesn't make it right in the first place!! She don't fucking listen!

I left that day with a delectable coffee drink and feeling like, "Yeah, I just handled that."

I went in this past saturday, feeling good, looking good, heading to a beach party....excited for my drink. Eve was working, along with another new girl and the owner's husband. We'll call him Richard....Dick, for short. Dick has never been a big part of the coffee shop experience, just around sometimes on weekends but for the most part, works another job. Before I could even ask for my drink, the owner's husband, (which I guess makes him the owner too), pops off at the mouth, "Oh! We don't have anyone here today that can make your 'special' drink." This comment is complete with a slam of a container on the table, raised eyebrows, angry/scary eyes and a refrigerator door slam.

I am a tough girl, but I was a little scared and taken off guard. My strategey was to try to ignore the behavior and respond reasonably with my nicest, least confrontational demeanor, (WHICH WAS ONLY POSSIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!!) "Thats not true. Zephila showed Eve how to do it the other day." His response was, "Well I don't know if she can make it good enough for you. Are you going to hold it against her if its not up to your standards? I wouldn't want you to hold it against her!" Again, all said with sarcasm and angry body language. I did not respond. At this point, Eve says sheepishly, "I will make your drink for you Dorothy."

I went to my car and grabbed my debit card, knowing that I am so upset that I am probably not coming back....and as much as I just wanted to run home and cry and tell my man everything, I had to go back in and take care of my tab. So I would never have to come back. I told Eve that I was upset and I was going to have to think about whether or not I would come back in....that I felt emotional and attacked, which is very out of place considering that I just came into a coffee shop to buy a drink. She apologized several times, making excuses for his behavior....busy, stressful morning, something about a phone call he got while at work, maybe a big order he had to deal with....I don't know, I was trying so hard not to break down crying in a public place while she ran my credit card that this part isn't super clear to me.

I was also getting more upset thinking about how obviously I had been talked about in a negative manner....little bitch that you can't please, fuck the customer attitude. So frustrating because I am not the person you are going to catch being rude to anyone in customer service. Its the bitch that gets angry and doesn't tiptoe around everyone's feelings that gets the customer service they are looking for.....I think?

The worst and the best part of this story is, that after I had my crying jag in the car, away from what used to be my beloved coffee shop, I took a sip of my last iced mocha cappuccino from that building, and you know what? It was the first flipping drink that Eve ever got right. :)

This is me....BEFORE I went to the coffee shop. Could it be that it was so simple then?? ;)

Father's Day

Maya asked me today if I would help her build a bird house for Russell. My first thought was, "I don't feel like making a bird house!" I decided that saying yes would be the right thing to do, regardless. I say to her, "Maya, I have no idea how to make a bird house...." She replies, "Mama, I have picured it in my head. I know what to do." She runs away to the other side of the garage to pick through the scrap wood pile.
At this moment, I realize that I don't know how to run a power saw. I don't think I have ever even touched one, except to move it out of my way in the garage. I feel a little hopeless. Do I just do it, and learn it as I go? Immediately I picture severed fingers and decide against this.
Russell happens to come out of the house at this point. I quickly give him the rundown without telling him what the project actually is....he smiles and says, "I would rather if you girls didn't try to do this on your own." Maya comes running out from the side of the house and freezes when she sees Russell. He goes inside, like he doesn't notice that she can't look at him and is smirking uncontrollably.
I plead, "Maya, unfortunately we need Russell to make this work. Can you just explain to him what you want cut, without telling him what it is for? " She struggles with her answer, trying to figure out how NOT to involve him and comes to the same conclusion....we NEED him to build this bird house. So she goes inside, into the kitchen, and says, "Russell, I want to build you something for Father's Day but I can't do it unless you cut me the pieces." What she doesn't realize in this moment and maybe he doesn't realize it either, is that this is the best Father's Day gift. Showing him how much we need him!!

She brought him all the wood and he cut it all, just how she wanted it. She screwed them all together with a screw gun, her little brow furrowed in concentration. And she built the perfect birdhouse.